Does Friends With Benefits Ever Work Out?
- By Karla Antelli
- Published 05/10/2010
- Advice
- Unrated
Have you been considering a "Friends with Benefits" situation because you're in between relationships? It sounds good in theory, this reader thought so with her question:
"Can't a friend with benefits thing be a good idea? I hear what you're saying about not getting involved with someone that may not be right for me just for the sake of having a boyfriend- but I MISS SEX!... I know a few guys that would be more than happy to oblige me in "no strings" relationship. So would it be so bad to have some fun while I wait for Mr. Right?
I am assuming that you are a grown up. Therefore, Diva sees no direct trouble with two grown ups getting together for some mutually consenting fun. OK, you know its coming so here it is...BUT a lot of times it is simply not that easy so these are things you should at least be aware of before you get into a "no strings" FWB situation.
1.Someone really does have feelings. If that someone is him, than its not nice for you to engage in behavior that will give him any reason whatsoever to think that a relationship could develop and that you do have romantic feelings for him in any way. You will end up hurting another person and probably losing a friend.
If that someone is you-DUMBASS, don't you even think about getting into a FWB situation with the idea that he will ever take you seriously as a girlfriend- or that it will bring you one step closer to girlfriend, or that once you have sex he will all of a sudden fall in love. It just simply doesn't work that way, and you are setting yourself up for a GIANT heartbreak. If you really like the guy, get to know the him first and let the sex come when you feel like he cares for and respects you. If that doesn't happen, be grateful you didn't sleep with him.
2.Pregnancy, STDS, and other "side effects". I know at this point in our current times this should go without saying but please, please, please use condoms. I don't care if you are on the pill, can't have babies, etc... A "no strings" relationship means that you- and he- can go and sleep with whomever else you want, and any time with no explanations or disclosure to the other. Clearly, we can see the potential for disaster there. Additionally, there is not a worse feeling in the world than wondering if you are pregnant by someone that does not love you. Just don't put yourself in that position to begin with.
3.Maybe you missed meeting the "right one" because you were at home screwing the FWB that night :)
OK, now you know the risks. I personally don't go for that kind of relationship, it seems to always end up messy. Some are able to though and if you are one of them- Be safe and have fun!
"Can't a friend with benefits thing be a good idea? I hear what you're saying about not getting involved with someone that may not be right for me just for the sake of having a boyfriend- but I MISS SEX!... I know a few guys that would be more than happy to oblige me in "no strings" relationship. So would it be so bad to have some fun while I wait for Mr. Right?
I am assuming that you are a grown up. Therefore, Diva sees no direct trouble with two grown ups getting together for some mutually consenting fun. OK, you know its coming so here it is...BUT a lot of times it is simply not that easy so these are things you should at least be aware of before you get into a "no strings" FWB situation.
1.Someone really does have feelings. If that someone is him, than its not nice for you to engage in behavior that will give him any reason whatsoever to think that a relationship could develop and that you do have romantic feelings for him in any way. You will end up hurting another person and probably losing a friend.
If that someone is you-DUMBASS, don't you even think about getting into a FWB situation with the idea that he will ever take you seriously as a girlfriend- or that it will bring you one step closer to girlfriend, or that once you have sex he will all of a sudden fall in love. It just simply doesn't work that way, and you are setting yourself up for a GIANT heartbreak. If you really like the guy, get to know the him first and let the sex come when you feel like he cares for and respects you. If that doesn't happen, be grateful you didn't sleep with him.
2.Pregnancy, STDS, and other "side effects". I know at this point in our current times this should go without saying but please, please, please use condoms. I don't care if you are on the pill, can't have babies, etc... A "no strings" relationship means that you- and he- can go and sleep with whomever else you want, and any time with no explanations or disclosure to the other. Clearly, we can see the potential for disaster there. Additionally, there is not a worse feeling in the world than wondering if you are pregnant by someone that does not love you. Just don't put yourself in that position to begin with.
3.Maybe you missed meeting the "right one" because you were at home screwing the FWB that night :)
OK, now you know the risks. I personally don't go for that kind of relationship, it seems to always end up messy. Some are able to though and if you are one of them- Be safe and have fun!
Karla Antelli
Karla Antelli writes the popular dating advice column The Dating Diva as well as for the Dallas based Examiner. Karla has a novel which will be released in May 2010 titled 100 Men... (Or 400 Dollars) about a 30-somethings experience in the online dating world. She teaches dating workshops across the US based on her simple "3 Point Plan". Email her at TheDatingDiva@hotmail.com with dating questions.
View all articles by Karla Antelli