Perfect Parenting - How to Overcome Mommy Guilt
http://www.careerfeed.net/articles/12009/1/Perfect-Parenting---How-to-Overcome-Mommy-Guilt/Page1.html
Jodi Albertini
View author's website at http://www.safecandle.net. By Jodi Albertini
Published on 03/8/2010
"Mommy Guilt" is a term used to describe an enormous amount of pressure that tends to overwhelm a mother's life when her child is born. To overcome mommy guilt, many mothers try very hard to overcompensate and find themselves striving to become the perfect parent. Perfect parenting is not realistic. Consider these practical steps in moving towards overcoming mommy guilt and regaining your life!
Just like there is no perfect person, there is also no perfect parent. For so many of us women, as soon as our baby enters the world, there is this enormous internal element of pressure that we tend to willingly inflict on ourselves. We seem to have this incredible drive to nurture and care for our children PERFECTLY. Welcome to the concept of "Mommy Guilt".
I have found that mommy guilt is more often found among new parents, type A (perfectionist) personalities, and mothers who are innately more insecure in their new parenting role. I am a prime example that mommy guilt can be overcome, or at the least managed. If you are struggling to be the perfect parent, consider this list.
Top Five Suggestions for Overcoming Mommy Guilt:
1. Admit Your Imperfections. Not one of us can do everything right. And, there is no better realization of this fact then when a new baby is introduced into our lives. Oh, we could have been faking perfection for a long time in our pre-baby days, however, childrearing is not a perfect science, and making mistakes is inevitable. Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes, start admitting that you are wrong and that a new approach may be more effective. Embracing your mommy mistakes allows you to grow and learn more as a new mom.
2. Do Not Compare Your Children. There are no two human beings who are the same. The same is true for your child. Although it may be tempting to compare your children's looks, personality, skills, and abilities to other children, DO NOT DO IT!! Your baby is a work in progress and a growing human being. If you get in the habit of comparing your children to other children, your mommy guilt is going to increase. Even as adults, it is only effective to compare yourself to yourself. The same is true for comparing your children.
3. Throw your Type A Personality a "Curve Ball". Before my children were born, my house was a work of perfection. As my children got older and more active, I began to realize that my days maintaining an impecable home were over. Do yourself a favor if you struggle with perfectionism. Start allowing things to be less than perfect. Challenge yourself to a week of living in the moment. You will find that life goes on, even if it is not perfect. The more you let go of perfectionism, the easier it will be to embrace an imperfect life and enjoy your family in the moment.
4. Surround Yourself with Friends who are Supportive and not Critical. A person who harbors guilt is going to take criticism very seriously. It can be very difficult for a new mother to accept the fact that her child may misbehave at times. Hitting, biting, and tantrums are expected behaviors for young children. Just because your toddler may be more aggressive than your judmental friend's complacent child, that is not a reason for you to harbor guilt. If you suffer from mommy guilt already, then hang with friends who will support your parenting decisions.
5. Choose to Embrace Your Children for Who They Are. Each child is different. My first born is incredibly strong willed. As a result, he likes things his way and he is a master negotiator. Due to the difficulties that accompany parenting a strong willed child, I once longed for a complacent toddler. I found peace in my life when I choose to embrace my son's strengths and ignore his weaknesses. I continue to take on the challenge of using his strengths to build his confidence and mold his behaviors in a positive way, which leads to a happier me and a more balanced child.
Does mommy guilt have a tendency to plague your life? If so, I know how you feel. If you follow my main points in this article, and begin to incorporate them into your everyday life, you will find that you will no longer regularly strive for perfection. I still have a Type A personality, because that is just an element of who I am. However, I am thankful every day that my children entered my life and turned it upside down! I am learning more how to live in the moment and leave my perfectionist tendencies aside.
There is a cure for mommy guilt and the good news is that you do not have to strive for perfection for the rest of your life. Do you know a mom who is struggling to achieve perfect parenting? Do her a favor, and be a supportive friend by sharing this message with her!
I have found that mommy guilt is more often found among new parents, type A (perfectionist) personalities, and mothers who are innately more insecure in their new parenting role. I am a prime example that mommy guilt can be overcome, or at the least managed. If you are struggling to be the perfect parent, consider this list.
Top Five Suggestions for Overcoming Mommy Guilt:
1. Admit Your Imperfections. Not one of us can do everything right. And, there is no better realization of this fact then when a new baby is introduced into our lives. Oh, we could have been faking perfection for a long time in our pre-baby days, however, childrearing is not a perfect science, and making mistakes is inevitable. Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes, start admitting that you are wrong and that a new approach may be more effective. Embracing your mommy mistakes allows you to grow and learn more as a new mom.
2. Do Not Compare Your Children. There are no two human beings who are the same. The same is true for your child. Although it may be tempting to compare your children's looks, personality, skills, and abilities to other children, DO NOT DO IT!! Your baby is a work in progress and a growing human being. If you get in the habit of comparing your children to other children, your mommy guilt is going to increase. Even as adults, it is only effective to compare yourself to yourself. The same is true for comparing your children.
3. Throw your Type A Personality a "Curve Ball". Before my children were born, my house was a work of perfection. As my children got older and more active, I began to realize that my days maintaining an impecable home were over. Do yourself a favor if you struggle with perfectionism. Start allowing things to be less than perfect. Challenge yourself to a week of living in the moment. You will find that life goes on, even if it is not perfect. The more you let go of perfectionism, the easier it will be to embrace an imperfect life and enjoy your family in the moment.
4. Surround Yourself with Friends who are Supportive and not Critical. A person who harbors guilt is going to take criticism very seriously. It can be very difficult for a new mother to accept the fact that her child may misbehave at times. Hitting, biting, and tantrums are expected behaviors for young children. Just because your toddler may be more aggressive than your judmental friend's complacent child, that is not a reason for you to harbor guilt. If you suffer from mommy guilt already, then hang with friends who will support your parenting decisions.
5. Choose to Embrace Your Children for Who They Are. Each child is different. My first born is incredibly strong willed. As a result, he likes things his way and he is a master negotiator. Due to the difficulties that accompany parenting a strong willed child, I once longed for a complacent toddler. I found peace in my life when I choose to embrace my son's strengths and ignore his weaknesses. I continue to take on the challenge of using his strengths to build his confidence and mold his behaviors in a positive way, which leads to a happier me and a more balanced child.
Does mommy guilt have a tendency to plague your life? If so, I know how you feel. If you follow my main points in this article, and begin to incorporate them into your everyday life, you will find that you will no longer regularly strive for perfection. I still have a Type A personality, because that is just an element of who I am. However, I am thankful every day that my children entered my life and turned it upside down! I am learning more how to live in the moment and leave my perfectionist tendencies aside.
There is a cure for mommy guilt and the good news is that you do not have to strive for perfection for the rest of your life. Do you know a mom who is struggling to achieve perfect parenting? Do her a favor, and be a supportive friend by sharing this message with her!