Developing Effective Communication Skills
- By Jack Landry
- Published 01/25/2010
- Advice
- Unrated
Many people feel unsatisfied with their ability to communicate in their relationships. This is very normal, and something everyone has to overcome to be successful in their relationships.
Well-honed communication skills are vital to family and business life. When people are able to communicate better they feel better about themselves and are able to have a higher performance in their daily life.
Communication takes two parties to create, it is not one-sided. For good communication, both of these parties must be trying to reach a solution that helps both of them with no emotional stress.
This is ironic because the times when we need good communication the most are usually when we are under the most emotional stress. However, good communication is the goal and something to work towards.
In an argument it is very easy to say things that are not meant. The first warning flag that a conversation is losing good communication is the desire to prove who is right and wrong.
Studies have shown that during an argument the IQ can drop by 20 points. It is very easy to become irrational during an argument because the brain moves from a logical reasoning standpoint to a fight or flight response.
Indications that someone is in this response include sweating, flushed cheeks, and a rapid heartbeat. When these symptoms are recognized, steps to create good communication can then be taken.
One option is to immediately stop arguing and ask for a break. During this break regain the resolve to maintain good communication.
This is also a good time to think about where the other person is coming from and what their argument is. Define exactly what the problem is and decide on a clear way to express it.
The most unoffending way to present the problem is by using "I" statements. When "I" statements are used, the other person will not feel as defensive and will be able to consider the argument more rationally.
On the other had "you" statements are offensive and the other person will immediately feel attacked. This will bring emotion right back into the argument and defeat the purpose of the break.
Remember, when emotion creeps into a conversation it can lead to argument. It is best to avoid argument so that nothing will be said that will be regretted later.
Be sure to restart the conversation when both parties are calm again and can speak rationally. Think about the location of the argument as well.
It can be very hard to relay feelings and concerns in a place where there are many distractions. Be sure to give full attention to the other people in a conversation.
By paying attention body language and intonation will add unsaid meaning to the conversation and more will be understood between the two parties. Conversation is only going to be a good as the responses that are given and received, but these can be practiced and they will improve.
Good communication contains many components. The first thing to do is to find common ground between the two parties.
Be sure to use language and images that can connect with the listener. People are often turned off when they think someone is trying to show superiority over them by using big words and exploiting how educated that they are.
The second thing to consider is the tone that is being used. Again, superiority or the fact that someone is not paying attention will immediately lower the quality of the conversation as feeling of resentment will begin to rise.
The key to good conversation is to be respectful. We automatically can talk to people who have similar interests and views because we know that they will respect our views.
If we fear being shouted down or thought of critically we will usually give more generalized statements to avoid conflict.
In solving this problem when speaking to people with different opinions is to exude the feeling of acceptance and let other people speak their opinion too.
Staying in the limelight and center of conversation will quickly kill any kind of conversation that there was. The best conversations range over a variety of topics and people.
However, do not try to change the point too often or the quality of the conversation will also be lost. The quality of a conversation is also dramatically improved if everyone involved is paying close attention to the subject and contributing.
These barely scratch the surface of ideas that can improve the quality of conversation. There are many online tips sheets that can also provide more ideas.
Well-honed communication skills are vital to family and business life. When people are able to communicate better they feel better about themselves and are able to have a higher performance in their daily life.
Communication takes two parties to create, it is not one-sided. For good communication, both of these parties must be trying to reach a solution that helps both of them with no emotional stress.
This is ironic because the times when we need good communication the most are usually when we are under the most emotional stress. However, good communication is the goal and something to work towards.
In an argument it is very easy to say things that are not meant. The first warning flag that a conversation is losing good communication is the desire to prove who is right and wrong.
Studies have shown that during an argument the IQ can drop by 20 points. It is very easy to become irrational during an argument because the brain moves from a logical reasoning standpoint to a fight or flight response.
Indications that someone is in this response include sweating, flushed cheeks, and a rapid heartbeat. When these symptoms are recognized, steps to create good communication can then be taken.
One option is to immediately stop arguing and ask for a break. During this break regain the resolve to maintain good communication.
This is also a good time to think about where the other person is coming from and what their argument is. Define exactly what the problem is and decide on a clear way to express it.
The most unoffending way to present the problem is by using "I" statements. When "I" statements are used, the other person will not feel as defensive and will be able to consider the argument more rationally.
On the other had "you" statements are offensive and the other person will immediately feel attacked. This will bring emotion right back into the argument and defeat the purpose of the break.
Remember, when emotion creeps into a conversation it can lead to argument. It is best to avoid argument so that nothing will be said that will be regretted later.
Be sure to restart the conversation when both parties are calm again and can speak rationally. Think about the location of the argument as well.
It can be very hard to relay feelings and concerns in a place where there are many distractions. Be sure to give full attention to the other people in a conversation.
By paying attention body language and intonation will add unsaid meaning to the conversation and more will be understood between the two parties. Conversation is only going to be a good as the responses that are given and received, but these can be practiced and they will improve.
Good communication contains many components. The first thing to do is to find common ground between the two parties.
Be sure to use language and images that can connect with the listener. People are often turned off when they think someone is trying to show superiority over them by using big words and exploiting how educated that they are.
The second thing to consider is the tone that is being used. Again, superiority or the fact that someone is not paying attention will immediately lower the quality of the conversation as feeling of resentment will begin to rise.
The key to good conversation is to be respectful. We automatically can talk to people who have similar interests and views because we know that they will respect our views.
If we fear being shouted down or thought of critically we will usually give more generalized statements to avoid conflict.
In solving this problem when speaking to people with different opinions is to exude the feeling of acceptance and let other people speak their opinion too.
Staying in the limelight and center of conversation will quickly kill any kind of conversation that there was. The best conversations range over a variety of topics and people.
However, do not try to change the point too often or the quality of the conversation will also be lost. The quality of a conversation is also dramatically improved if everyone involved is paying close attention to the subject and contributing.
These barely scratch the surface of ideas that can improve the quality of conversation. There are many online tips sheets that can also provide more ideas.
Jack Landry
Jack R. Landry has worked as a marriage counselor since the 80s. He has been married to his wife, Judy, for the past 33 years but he recognizes that everyone needs help to save your marriage. Contact Info: Jack R. Landry JackRLandry@gmail.com http://www.survive-divorce.com
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